7 Habits of Effective People
The Character Ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human effectiveness—natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real, just as unchanging and unarguably “there” as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimension.
Principles are not values. A gang of thieves can share values, but they are in violation of the fundamental principles we’re talking about. Principles are the territory. Values are maps. When we value correct principles, we have truth—a knowledge of things as they are.
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Be Proactive: We are responsible for our own lives
Proactivity means more than merely taking initiative. It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.
Look at the word responsibility—“response-ability”—the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.
Instead of saying:
That [frustrated/annoyed/angered/...] me.
OR I am [frustrated/annoyed/angered/...].
Instead State: I CHOOSE to be [xxx/yyy] by this.
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Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.
Anytime we think the problem is “out there,” that thought is the problem. We empower what’s out there to control us. The change paradigm is “outside-in”—what’s out there has to change before we can change.
Related Quotes
“The ignorant man’s position and character is this: he never looks to himself for benefit or harm, but to the world outside him. The philosopher’s position and character is that he always look to himself for benefit and harm.” — Epictetus, Enchiridion
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can change; and wisdom to know the difference. - Serenity Prayer
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Related Thoughts
Imagine you're dealing with someone who's hoarding. Now, people who are hoarding are often older, or neurologically damaged, or have obsessive-compulsive disorder. Then, you walk into their house and find around 10,000 items. There are maybe a hundred boxes. You open a box, and inside, there's a mix of pens, old passports, checks, a collection of silver dollars, some hypodermic needles, dust, and even a dead mouse. The house is filled with boxes like that—absolute chaos. Not order. Chaos.
You might wonder, is that their house? Or Is that their being? Is that their mind? The answer is: there's no difference. So, if you want to organize your psyche, you could start by organizing your room. This might be easier, especially if you're a more concrete person and need something concrete to begin with.
So you go clean up under your bed and you make your bed and you organize the papers on your desk. And you think well just exactly what are you organizing? Are you organizing the objective world, or are you organizing your field of being—your field of total experience? Jung believed that, and I think there's a Buddhist doctrine nested in there, that at the highest level of psychological integration, there's no difference between you and what you experience.
Now, you might think, "Well, I can't control everything I experience," but that's no objection because you can't control yourself entirely anyway. So, the mere fact that you can't extend control over everything you experience is no argument against the idea that you should still treat that as an extension of yourself.- Jordan-Peterson/video: reference
[people reach out about] How starting to clean up their room changed their life is quite fun because it's something I always tell people to do instead of going out and protesting. If you want to change the world, you start from yourself and work outward because you build your competence that way. It's like, I don't know how you can go out and protest the structure of the entire economic system if you can't keep your room organized.- Jordan-Peterson/video ref
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