Stop Living in the Past
Remembering pleasant memories and sharing them with friends who are eager to listen is perfectly fine. It's a way to cherish and celebrate experiences we've enjoyed.
On the other hand, it's not beneficial to dwell in regret. Regret, much like worry, diverts our attention and energy from productive activities. Worry preoccupies us with negative thoughts about an uncontrollable future, while regret fixates us on the past, which is equally beyond our influence.
Instead, our focus should be on the present and the aspects of our lives that we can control. The past has become a constant, an unchangeable element in the tapestry of time, and no longer within our sphere of influence. By concentrating on what we can change and affect now, we make the most constructive use of our time and energy.
If we allow ourselves to focus on variables outside of our control, we take the focus from things we can change. Let me repeat. When you think about things outside of your control, you take resources away from things that can make your life better.
You have a finite amount of time and if you focus on that you cannot change, you steal time away from actions that bring change to your life.
IF: You focus on what you cannot change
THEN: you steal time away, from actions that bring change.
As you focus on what you control, your circle-of-influence (what you control), increases. Inversely if you focus on what you cannot change your circle of influence decreases.
AVOID: living the future or past.
“Do not regret what you have done.” — Miyamoto Musashi, Dokkōdō#6
“Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been’”— John Greenleaf Whittier
“Throughout our lives, we are mostly worried about things that won’t happen anyway. We are afraid of failure when in reality the regret about not having tried can be by far more painful than failure in itself. The question you have to ask yourself is whether you prefer to laugh at all the awkward failures you’ve experienced or to regret all the missed opportunities you rejected out of fear of failure. To me, failure is an inevitable aspect of my life. A “challenge” if you so want that I will have to face every once in a while. With it comes the realization and wisdom that the only fool-proof way to avoid any kind of failure is to not try at all. The attempt to avoid failure at any cost – by not trying – is an irreversible mistake, which I regard as the worst failure of all.” — Steve Mueller
Do not play what if game
You should analyze the past. But never sink down to extrapolating what if I have done X and now would be at Y. Well what if you have done X and because of it you were hit by a bus the next day.
The only path that you know for sure kept you alive is the path you have traveled. All other paths from the past could have lead to death by now.
“Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.” — Confucius
TIM FERRIS: “What advice would you give to Marc, the 20-something, at Netscape?”
MARC ANDREESSEN: I’ve never for a moment even thought about that. I don’t do replays well. The question I’ll never answer is, ‘What would you have done differently had you known X?’ I never, ever play that game because you didn’t know X.’
DoNot Compare yourself with others
Your life is your life. Their life is their life.
Clarification: it’s encouraged to model other’s desired qualities. It’s the unproductive comparison of where someone else is or what they are doing without a healthy goal of modeling that must be avoided.
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” — Lao Tzu
”I'm Too Busy Working on my Own Grass To Notice If Yours Is Any Greener” — David Peplinski
“Comparison Is A Thief Of Joy” — Theodore Roosovelt
“The more you know what you really want, and where you’re really going, the more what everybody else is doing starts to diminish. The moments when your own path is at its most ambiguous, [that’s when] the voices of others, the distracting chaos in which we live, the social media static start to loom large and become very threatening.” — Alain De Botton, TOTs pg. 487
https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html
Instead DO:
Overcome yourself of yesterday
“Determine that today you will overcome your self of the day before, tomorrow you will win over those of lesser skill, and later you will win over those of greater skill.” — Miyamoto Musashi
“Don't compare yourself with other people; compare yourself with who you were yesterday.” — Jordan-Peterson
Compare yourself with your own potential.
Related
Reversal
It is needed to evaluate the past mistakes to improve for the future. That is a needed process and should not be approached with regret, but rather an attitude of improvement and progress.
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